WEEKEND: DAY THREE - SECTION ONE
Updated: Aug 18
DAMN GOOD FOOD
RECOMMENDED TIME WINDOW: 8:45am - 10:30am Disregard Time Window if doing A La Carte or going at own pace
Personal car users: Drive to the Medical Arts Building. There’s a parking garage attached that has an elevator that will take you directly to Hell’s Kitchen.
About 8:45am, order the first Uber/Lyft of the day. We’re getting picked up at our hotel and getting dropped off at Hell’s Kitchen.
NOTE: If you’re staying in a hotel within walking distance of the restaurant, just walk over, obviously.
Before we get there, here’s a bit of the 311:
Hell’s Kitchen opened in the early 2000’s. It’s namesake is derived from the Manhattan neighborhood (thankfully, no Kingpin corrupts this locale: it’s entirely 100% employee owned!). They’ve leaned into the Hell theme, but just enough to not seem overwhelming to the point of kitsch (which, honestly, I wouldn’t mind if it was!). Walking down the stairs into the basement evokes the sense of walking into Satan’s realm, but that his minions have taken the reigns. The Prince of Darkness is on vacation and his kitchen is in good hands. It’s Hell-light. They’ve got a couple of iron gates, some gothic statues, everything has a red hue, the art of Ralph Steadman (frequent collaborator of the late Hunter S. Thompson) prevails, and they’re really pushing spicy Bloody Mary’s.
And speaking of Bloody’s . . . and Mimosas . . .
The prime attraction, outside of an amazing standard brunch, is the Bloody Mary/Mimosa Bar. One of the most unique and fun offerings I’ve ever encountered at a brunch experience.
At 9am, the BM/M Bar opens. For $20, you get access to a dual 35 foot smorgasbord feast of two vastly different vibes.
The Bloody side: your waiter will hand you a small glass of two shots of vodka. Like a weary pup traversing through Dante’s 4th Circle, you will enter the hallway and encounter more choices of flavors and garnish and food to dress up your maniacal machination of a Mary beyond your wildest dreams. You start with the Bloody mix, which spans the spectrum of spice. Then, there’s the hot sauces! These would make even Sean Evans (of Hot Ones fame) fawn! Next, you get to the vast celery stalk, and here’s where the real challenge begins. I’ve spent 10 minutes constructing an edible structure of chicken, olives, cheeses, pickles, corn dogs, ham, damn near a full fledged meal’s worth of other food! You can create a 30 point buck of a Bloody Mary if you’ve got the gall, and buddy, you’re on vacation. Find the gall!!! Delve into your middle school engineering skills constructing macaroni bridges or towers - you’re gonna need it! The walk between the end of the 35 foot hallway back to your table is both a time for garnering praise from onlookers . . . and a time of trepidation: don’t trip and spill your creation!! The praisers do come with a fair share of schadenfreude, I’m sure. It comes naturally in His Dark Dominion.
Then there’s the Mimosa side: sugar, sugar and more sugar!!! These creations might be a bit more modest than the Bloody’s, but no less extravagant. There’s candy, berries, and chocolate covered pretzels!!! Nostalgia for old timey bulk candy shopping resounds as you concoct your Mimosa Masterpiece.
It’s almost a shame that we might be too full off of just our drinks once the main course of brunch arrives!!!! But try your best, it’s so worth it!!
And there’s still one more ingredient in the Hell’s Kitchen experience that makes this the best brunch ever: live music begins at 10:00!!!!!! This place is amazing!!!!
At 10:30am, I’ll meet back up with you to start working off the caloric overload you’re about to embark on!!! Have a damn fine time with this damn good food!!!
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